Dating Get: Three Lesbians Decide To Try the XO Dating App You Need Not | Autostraddle

Dating install is a brand new continuous show in which Shelli, Dani and Drew try out current or the majority of ignored of matchmaking apps and that means you do not need to. Nowadays they may be providing you the get on XO.

But first, why are they actually achieving this, and exactly what do you receive from the jawhorse?

to tell you:

Besides having the ability to work with Dani & Drew and creating certainly one of my brand-new preferred slack stations — i really like online dating and that I love researching all aspects of it. I provide some sex and matchmaking information and require to keep through to what is actually happening in both of those spheres. I have used dating applications in earlier times but not as my personal main source of meeting individuals to kick it with. I am extremely comfy rising on individual on party which has had caught my personal interest and flirting together with them until we at least exchange Instagram deals with. Whenever I get dating inside electronic realm i take advantage of social media marketing rather. Moving in DMs and quote tweet flirting to my personal hearts’ material.

Making use of social media as a pseudo internet dating application prior to now, I happened to be capable of getting slightly back ground regarding individual beyond their unique photograph and a few contours in a profile. If you are throughout the apps they can be an important skip when you are a queer, lesbian determining, black colored girl. You don’t know who is fetishizing you, if someone is attempting to use you as a device to undo their unique learned racist habits or really if a lady could match to you in order to state 3 messages later the girl cishet boyfriend only desires to see this lady with a woman.

The pandemic began fundamentally at the beginning of external times. The ability to decide on guides and lust in-person far away was actually even more attainable. But now we go for about to master exactly what skip Rona’s twice-removed relative Influenza is going to give the celebration we should instead end up being additional cautious. So since utilizing programs is really the best option to meet individuals and satisfy your own online dating needs, I wanna see what it is like on in these digital roads.

Shelli’s configurations:

Range – 50 kilometers // i will not feel terrible about maybe not giving you gasoline money as much as this length.

Age – 32-45 // The closer to 45 the greater.

My personal major software pic

I will be fascinated with matchmaking applications. I favor to generally meet folks in person and that I select I relate to individuals better whenever meeting them in person — or perhaps on Instagram and Twitter — nevertheless desire for internet dating software goes on. In my opinion I like the indication of the many men and women in globally. I enjoy screenshot absurd users and send these to my friends. I favor the exhilaration of a match, the enjoyment associated with very first flirts. I have merely came across two different people on online dating apps that led to great experiences and none was anything severe, but We continue to love the work of employing matchmaking programs.

Pre-pandemic internet dating applications happened to be very much simply a supplement to meeting people in individual. But now it’s generally all we’ve except DM slides. The last six months I’ve been on Tinder constantly. I’ve satisfied more and more people — those who I have discussed to for hours via text, throughout the cellphone, on FaceTime and Zoom. Ultimately, yes, I guess i am trying to fall-in love and get like wow are unable to believe happened on Tinder. But I do not truly count on it. Actually throughout pandemic it is a lot more the fun of chance and fulfilling a brand new person and achieving reasons to put up makeup to get butterflies during my tummy.

Certainly my personal two good matchmaking app encounters originated while I was actually examining a shitty dating app earlier on in 2010. Very while I’d love to declare that i am only playing this for research or since it is fun to work well with Shelli and Dani, I would be lying basically said there clearly wasn’t a little voice within my head that thinks whether an app is right or perhaps not i may fulfill some one. And for that to take place within the guise of working? Well, I


a Capricorn!

Drew’s configurations:

Distance – 10 miles // I once had my range setup broader because LA is indeed disseminate, but once some body moves past an acceptable limit it does increase the limits. I do not desire to feel pressured getting gender with someone simply because they drove an hour or so to see me. We’ll save yourself my personal long distance flirting and pining for Instagram and Twitter.

Era – 26-44 // we fit with way more men and women when I decrease this and occasionally i actually do — i believe perhaps folks in their unique early 20s tend to be more comfortable with transness — but I’ve been somebody who prefers to date more mature. My personal ideal is actually 28-34. It isn’t really that i’d never date someone per year or two more youthful than me personally, but In my opinion its extremely unlikely I would satisfy all of them on an app.

Drew’s go-to photo

I am very into dating and matchmaking tradition, particularly the stigma that exists around meeting individuals on line. I’ve found that in men and women my personal age and earlier, we had been around for the genesis of internet dating programs. From those outdated advertisements for into fevered, swiping tradition we occur in today. Things have changed vastly but there is however nonetheless this sense of “oh you came across on an app? As though fulfilling folks in person has a lot more merit and guarantees an extended long lasting connection.

We my self in the morning an app hound. Everytime an innovative new one drops I’m on it. I have found internet dating and software to-be more handy for me. We technically have four tasks, several being in innovative industries. That kind of work takes lots from me personally as well as the conclusion a single day the worst thing we typically would like to do is actually get end up being around people. Dating apps provide me personally the initial and customized experience with obtaining one using one communications with people which i believe are hot and interesting. Indeed we have now both collectively arranged we find each other hot and fascinating. Much of the guess-work is accomplished! I think it’s thus cool and enjoyable, even if I do not take pleasure in every aspect of the app. Whenever that takes place I no less than have something to tweet pertaining to.

I’m contemplating reviewing these programs because hey there, you will want to? It may assist somebody with an active life eg personal restrict just what software works best for their life style. I’m therefore thinking about witnessing just how friendly these apps are to individuals identify like me: excess fat, black colored, lesbian females, and those that do not keep those identities. Given that we have been in a pandemic, apps became my main method of chatting with people, friends or current/potential lovers. My personal twitter and instagram DMs are always open but I really like committing me towards matchmaking application experience. I’m seriously searching for someone in this little research therefore we’ll observe well that goes. Can I find really love? You’ll need to stay tuned.

Dani Janae’s Settings:

Era: 26 – 47, I’m 27 so 25-27 is much like the cheapest i am going to go comfortably. The earlier the better in my opinion then when one will get near that 47 I am not concerned.

Distance: 159 kilometers, I’d going aside this far because there had been no one near me. Even with these settings I have you come upon every couple times then nothing for a while.

My personal head to internet dating application picture

What’s the app?

This week we’re reviewing the fresh new relationship application
! a matchmaking app that really wants to rewrite the rules of finding love online by using video games as the main way to obtain helping users find contacts. It really is among newer matchmaking programs regarding world and what truly intrigued you a lot of had been their own promise of prioritizing inclusivity. The designers motivate playfulness in an effort to build a genuine connect from the extremely start. We downloaded, included all of our photos and reached flirting – really, attemptedto in any event. Keep reading for our product reviews!!

Prepare your: Bette, Alice, Dana


I became expecting XO to get sort of as with any others but with the additional assistance of making use of a game title as an icebreaker versus, I’m not sure — claiming hi?

Right from the start, I adored the minimalism on the app. It really is quite clean, the photos are pretty straight forward but precious and it is very user-friendly. From then on, a lot of it went downhill for my situation.

Whenever I began swiping we went regarding choices rather fast. My personal configurations aren’t all that wild so I just chalked it to it becoming a newer software on the scene which will not need got many consumers but. While I opened up my configurations a bit more though, I began getting cishet guys during my deck of consumers to swipe on. While I registered, I particularly selected not to see or even be viewed by that demographic but quickly these people were all I found myself watching, which forced me to should not use the application anymore and concern the inclusive stance.

We rearranged my settings to ensure i really could match with Drew as well as play some of the video games. The few we played won’t exactly encourage me to launch a conversation though, it thought a lot more like I happened to be on statement with Friends rather than a dating software. The tests had been enjoyable, they reminded me on the very early Buzzfeed days! Some of them, like “Which dictator do you really end up being?” and “what type of emotional terrorist are you currently?” would have to end up being removed though.


Over time i have utilized Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, Her, and Fiori — but just the first two for significant durations. Normally I just stay glued to Tinder. This has many people and that I find that it may be anything you model of it and I also like this. But it is demonstrably maybe not probably the most palatable location for a queer trans woman and I also’m enthusiastic about greater principle programs so I’m usually interested in brand-new choices.

XO’s concept is video games can be an icebreaker over a probably uncomfortable basic information. Whether you are someone that is reluctant to message very first or not i actually do consider there’s something with the types original conversations that can be produced from a hobby. It really is exactly why pre-pandemic art gallery dates happened to be my personal favorite method of go out.

Every app demands various images and a separate tone so when I first take to a app I may default to my Tinder usuals, but I’ll rapidly adjust. With XO I made a decision to reduce certainly one of my five pictures rather than include a bunch of tips beyond the bio I prefer on Tinder. I ended choosing a gender on programs way back when because “transgender feminine” constantly decided a warning or an apology plus it ought to be neither. My transness is essential in my opinion and it’ll probably arise quickly, but for us having it back at my profile focused it such that began to feel completely wrong. In my opinion I’m pretty visibly trans anyhow. But often i actually do fit with others as soon as they recognize I’m trans they unmatch. In my opinion perhaps part of me personally desires experience that to validate the thing I can occasionally merely feeling. Having said that i did so appreciate that XO remaining area to publish in just about any gender you desire.

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Dani Janae:

Overall, i’ve hardly any a cure for matchmaking applications. The final person I got a meaningful connection with I came across because she is at an event I performed at. My personal final couple of months of matchmaking app communications have remaining myself sure that i will not discover any person on an app and can have to go back again to fulfilling people in individual. Really, in a pandemic with my personal activities acquiring cancelled or going on the internet, i am greatly back regarding apps. I ensure that it stays to Tinder so I had been super thrilled to try a new software with an alternative gimmick than many other types I’ve seen.

The typical design of XO is pretty sexy. I love that it moves off the swipe correct, swipe left style of some other programs, despite the fact that my personal hands have that impulse when I’m scrolling. I believe the font is only a little cutesy but I’m fussy about this sorts of stuff. I actually do such as that there are games, I’ve merely played those dreaded, they fill up a pretty small amount of time and is a great ice breaker. We haven’t in fact matched up with any person yet thus I’m optimistic observe exactly what its choose hinge a conversation around one of these video games.

One thing that might be controversial but that I absolutely enjoyed was actually the choice to place your battle and ethnicity in your profile. As somebody that strongly prefers to date additional black colored females or WOC, it is nice having some one self identify thus I don’t have to do the guess work. It might definitely. My big issue using app is the fact that there is no one-one it, as well as the people that are about it are way too young for me personally. I obtained big mommy dilemmas and love more mature women very placing my settings right down to in which they have been was an issue for me personally.

This feels as though queer pandering and that I enjoy it.
As with any matchmaking applications, cis men can find you regardless your option.


XO seems to be a lot more for those who have a difficult time starting a discussion, however, if which is everyone else throughout the software personally i think like y’all are only likely to keep doing offers without one will in reality chat, save for a LOL or two during a game title.

The Wingman alternative, in which an unknown 3rd individual is dropped into the chat to increase it if this stalls, may seem like continuously force and just doesn’t translate well into an electronic room. I do view it perhaps encouraging individuals maybe not ghost and stay much more upfront about perhaps not continuing on if the first interest does not go past a couple of messages.

It skews way younger, feels as though its a lot more for all the TikTok young people worldwide. The type of software make use of when multiple pals are over and may utilize a cheap make fun of after your third Smirnoff Ice.

I like it if there were just one or two games; discover too many solutions as well as the video games have to be a lot more personality-based. You attracting a chicken and myself speculating the goals cannot help me learn if you are attending look at myself disgusted once I ask you to spit in my own throat.

This application is not for my situation; Really don’t such as the game aspect. Its too cutesy and until you’re uninterested in swiping and just need perform literal video games, I quickly doubt it will likely be for your needs sometimes.


I am not saying the mark market for this app for two factors. 1) I trust Shelli it definitely skews more youthful and 2) I’m not an individual who is just too afraid to message men and women on online dating apps.

NEVERTHELESS. You’ll find things about this app i prefer. Mostly In my opinion the online game facet provides an action and because of the pandemic stopping typical matchmaking an action of any kind may be welcome. Shelli and that I matched so we could play certain video games and that I think they may be the proper model of silly for this variety of thing. I additionally really like how your own profile can conspicuously exhibit the sun sign with a cute small visual. Actually, I liked all attractive little illustrations plus the common layout for the app.

The greatest issue right now could there be just aren’t a large number of people about app. I actually majorly prolonged my personal age and length options but still easily swiped through offered men and women. I am not sure exactly how a brand new dating software pulls the demanded clients to make it functional but XO does not feel like its here yet.

This would not be my personal application of choice, but I am able to see its charm for folks who think caught in online dating app small talk — especially if more people joined.

Dani Janae:

As soon as this app becomes more and more people onto it i believe it is quite enjoyable. It’s easy to rely on the familiarity and convenience of a Tinder or OkCupid but offering these smaller, much more adventurous applications a try could be the means of the near future. The software is apparently popping because of the 18-21 age groups, most likely due to the video game aspect, but once more folks hear about it I am sure the number get slightly broader. I’m nevertheless using various other programs way more than this one, so that as i have stated, haven’t found a match but so it undoubtedly defintely won’t be my personal go to but it has actually prospective.

Swipe right.
The most widespread image on this software.

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